A Ronin Play:

Samurai Troopers: Ronin Wing

by
Kia Purity
(who really likes to cause paradoxes! :D)

*Dramatic music plays*

Ryo: . . . WHAT?!!! We're doing a play based on another show again?
Rowen: This time... it's the show that was made by Sunrise.
Sage: Oh, yay. Kia decides the parts.
Ryo: I'll be thankful if Kia isn't Relena.
Sage: You will be very thankful.
Kento: How?
Sage: As usual I get to suffer because I'll mostly likely be cast as someone that Kia admires in the show. If I'm cast as Duo, I'll just have a fit.
Kento: Um... no, I'm Duo.
Ryo: How'd you find out?
Kento: *holds up a piece of paper*
Ryo: ... reasonable.
*Cye hops in*
Cye: I'm back... and my part is...Quarte.
Ryo: ... so... it narrows down to three parts left.
Sage: ...
Rowen: ...
Kia: ROWEN, GO AND GET YOUR PART!
Rowen: Be back.
*Rowen leaves*
Ryo: *starts to sweat and whine*
Sage: *does the same too*
*Rowen returns*
Rowen: I'm Trowa.
Sage: ._.? . o O (Odd, I would've thought I'd get the part because of my hair...)
Ryo: OO;;
Kia: RYO!
*Ryo reluctantly walks off and he runs back, screaming*
Ryo: I'M HEERO!?
Sage: Holy shit... then that means...
Kia: *walks in the room and hands Sage a pony tail holder* Yes. Wufei.
Sage: ...Ahhh... *faints*
Ryo: Why am I not surprised? What made you like Wufei anyway?
Kia: My fiancé looks like him.
Ryo: . . . o.o; I'll believe that.
Everyone: Wait a damn minute. When did Kia get a fiance?
Kia: When no one was paying attention.
Sage: And yet you're still picking on me? *recovered*
Kia: You're my first bishounen. :P
Sage: ...
Kia: Now I have the guys cast... and for the women... unfortunately, Second Circle of Light won't be in this one!
Ryo: ...unless you feel it's necessary to...
Kia: Oh, right, there's only ... *counts* four females in YST.
Ryo: And Cye would need 28 more sisters.
Cye: O_O 29 sisters?!
Kia: ...don't ask me. Ask Sunrise. Although I may have to bring in Second Circle of light... but I don't know that many of the Gundam females... I only watched few episodes.
Ryo: You really suck.
Kia: SHAPPA UP, HEERO! Or I'll make Mia take the part of Relena!
Ryo: ooooh sheeeeet....

*The play will start shortly-- OH CRAP! I forgot the casting for the others...*

Sage: Remind me why we have to do this.
Ryo: Because we have a contract?
Sage: ...we do? Sheesh... Remind me to find the contracts and tear them up.
Ryo: That'd be nice... but still, you're afraid of girls.
Sage: After today, I don't think I can even stand to be near Kia.
Ryo: What about the other girls out there who are writing about you.
Sage: ><;
Rowen: Well... it's taking Kia a long time to cast the characters.
Kento: I just found out that we can use our armors as the Gundams.
Cye: ...*sweatdrops*
Ryo: What could be worse than this...?
Rowen: What about that time we had to dress up like the Sailor Scouts?
Ryo: Oh god...don't remind me.
Kento: And the Full Ronin.
Rowen: That was embarrassing.
Sage: We just have to suffer... for the sake of everyone out there.
Mia: I'm Relena!
Ryo: . . .heh...... . o O (Omae o korosu.)
Kayura: I'm Lady Une?
Sage: . . . *sweatdrop* . o O (Okay, that's just strange. Two Lady Kayura and Two Lady Une... ... ... ... WHAT THE HECK?)
Talpa: HELLOOOOOO! I'm Howard. ^_^v
Everyone: . . .
Anubis: *looks in the room* *looks at the paper* I'm Zechs?
*women start to chase after Anubis*
Anubis: !! ARGH! *runs*
Dais: I will be Treize *sips a glass of wine*
Kia: Wasn't the Narrator of Ronin Warriors the voice...
Everyone: OO;
Sekhmet: I'm not burly... although I'm cast as Quinze...
Cale: ... --;
Ken Takino: I hath arrived!
Sage: Stop using Kia's lines.
Ken: But I'm her brother.
Sage: ... the pony tail is hurting...
Kia: Oh, be quiet, Sage. Greg, get out of here. I do not want you in this play. >:P You screw everything up.
Cale: --; I guess I'll just be one of the OZzies who die every episode.
Kia: HEH. Now... for the others... well, Suzunagi, Luna, and Naria!
All: THEM?
Kia: ... You know. We have more characters. Suzunagi gets to be Dorothy by default.
Cye: WHY?
Kia: Suzunagi's a bit... insane.
Rowen: ><; No kidding. Well, what about Luna and Naria?
Kia: LET ME THINK. Luna will be Noin.
Anubis: ARE YOU INSANE?
Ryo: Unfortunately, you answered your question, Anubis.
Anubis: Damn.
Kia: Natch. Naria will be Catherine. I will have the secret character. >:P
Rowen: ... I think I know who.
Sage: The pain. >_< I need to free my hair... ack... *passes out due to lack of blood*
Ryo: ... Kia. --;
Kento: *eats a sack of sugar while Cye whups him with the trout*
Kia: I GOT IT. Ully will be Hilde!
Ully: ... I'm not kissing Kento.
Kento: *eats a sack full of sugar*
Kia: You won't have to! And I think we know that I'm going to be Sally. >:P
Sage: *out of the room.*
Kia: That was fast. Anyway, I will post the cast list... just to kill the confusion.

-Cast-
Ryo - Psycho Boy
Kento - Braids
Rowen - uhhhh... I don't know.... THE HUMAN THROWING DART =D
Cye - The one with 29 sisters
Sage - The frequent victim of Kia Purity
Mia - Relena
Ully - Hilde (Ully: -.- *throws everything at Kia*)
Talpa - Howard
Anubis - The masked dood. (Kia: BIRD MAN!)
Dais - Door.
Sekhmet - Quinze (I keep forgetting who Quinze is.)
Cale - Some OZ solider who dies every damn episode
Suzunagi - Forked eyebrows girl alias Dorothy
Luna - Noin
Naria - Catherine
Kayura - Lady Une
Kia Purity - Sally (and this was rather too predicitable, ne?)

*THE PLAY MAY NOW BEGIN. Uhm, damn, what century is it? *looks for the piece of paper* Damn... 05 AC? Er... no... wait... where's that paper! Well, I guess it's 195 AC. ANWAY!*

Ryo: *is holding an assortment of destructive weapons* Mwahahahahahahahaha... ... *blows up the Narrator*

*... Damn you, Heero Yuy.*

Ryo: THANK YOU. *walks off and hides in Inferno Zero*
Kento: oo; Erp... *eats some more sugar*
Rowen: --; ... *holds up a sign* Sign: Do I have to be THIS silent?
Kento: Uh... I don't think so.
Sage: *in the background* Someone loosen this damn ponytail...
*Sounds of a frying pan being applied*
Rowen: I'm sure that has to be painful.
Kento: *nods* MONGOOSE *runs out of the Hangar*
Rowen: *sweatdrop* What is this? Imported sugar? o_o;

Anubis: Why do I have to wear this stupid mask? EPYOOOOOOOOON!
Dais: Who stole my wine?

Sage: Why the heck is he drinking the wine? *smashes the glass and Dais can be heard screaming bloody murder* ... I just killed Dais, didn't I?
Kia: ... Uhm, yeah.

Ken Takino: I HAVE RETURNED. HA HA HA!
Kento: MONGOOSE *runs over Ken Takino*
Ken Takino: Was that supposed to happen? Ouch.

Dais: *twitching oddly* I must... get my wine... Zechs! Fetch me my wine! Lady Une! Help him!
Kayura: ...
Anubis: ...
Kayura: Why? You're too obsessed with wine. Really, you don't want to die from liver cancer!

Sage: THAT'S BECAUSE I'LL STAB HIM WITH A GLASS SHARD! KISAMA!
Kia: oo; You got the line down, pat... I believe the ponytail is TIGHT enough.

Dais: AWAY WITH YOU, WUFFIE!
Kayura: ...
Anubis: ...

Sage: ... That's it, I'm getting Nataku. *leaves*
Kia: HEY! GET BACK HERE!

Dais: *is now sipping a glass of wine*
Kayura: ... I didn't get it... did you, Anubis?
Anubis: No. It's just one of those odd plot devices that appear out of nowhere. I'm sure right now... Kia is trying to get through with this play. She's just... uh, well, lost it.

Ryo: *is setting explosives on the building* Hee hee hee.
Mia: RYO! GET DOWN FROM THERE!!
Ryo: ...
Mia: RIGHT NOW!
Ryo: --; *climbs down*
Mia: And go to your bedroom!
Ryo: ...geez, Mia, you're not sounding too much like Relena.
Mia: That's because I'm too pretty.
Ryo: ... and the world may end now.

*THE WORLD ENDS*

Kia: OH NO, DON'T YOU DARE!

*THE WORLD LIVES*

Ken Takino: Is that all you can do, Kia?
Kia: Yes. Do you know where Sage is? I think he's playing his part rather too well.
Ken Takino: That may just as well because... you were standing near him all the time. He lost it.
Kia: --; Good grief. I keep forgetting Sage's fears of girls flirting with him. However, I wasn't.

Sage: ... WHO WAS TALKING ABOUT ME? *closes the cockpit*

Kia: Goodness... who did we forget?... CAMERA, SPAN TO!
Camera: ... --;

Sekhmet: *snores on a table*
Suzunagi: *blahblahblah* Well, didn't Kia forget something...

Kia: Forgot what?

Suzunagi: NOT WHAT, BUT WHO!

Kia: ... ANCIENT! o_o; Oh well, he'll be the narrator. --;

Ancient: I was narrating 'cause the Ronin Warriors Narrator is the voice of Treize. *somehow hides another tidbit of info*
Dais: Me?

Kia: ... *sweatdrop* I think I'm doomed.
*A couple of Anti Door people shows out of nowhere*
Kia: ._.;

Sage: WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *blows up stuff with Nataku... rather, Halo-long.*

Kento: ...*eats sugar* I thought I was the hyper one.
Rowen: .. you are. Sage's just... insane.
Ryo: -.- *points gun at Mia* *STARE* Omae o korosu.
Mia: ...
Kento: I never knew it was called Halo-long.
Cye: *sweatdrop*
Rowen: I think Kia drove Sage to the brink of insanity... so that mean we gotta suit up and chase after Sage.
*Halo-long towers over them*
Sage: I'm not insane.
Ryo: *points the gun at Sage* You sure?
Sage: PUT THAT GUN AWAY!!
Kento: *takes the gun away from Ryo* Sheesh... anyway, what is the plot of this play?
*The Real Gundam Wing Pilots show up*
Kento: ._. I said plot, not pilot.
Duo: *blinks* Eh? Why are you dressed like me?
Mia: ...did Kia create a crossover?
Relena: Who's this Kia?
Mia: You don't want to know. You really don't.
Relena: Is she dangerous?
Ryo: Not dangerous. INSANE.
Heero: You haven't seen Dorothy.
Cye: ._.; Why are we all here?
Quarte: 'cause Sunrise made us? oo;
Rowen: You see... this is a weird plot, not to mention that Kia is somewhere in a black hole after committing a paradox.
Sage: Why am I NOT surprised? It's daily!

Somewhere... in a black hole...
Kia: Why am I stuck in my bedroom? How do I get back to the play? ._.;
Ken: WRITE A PLOT!!!!!!!
Kia: *smites Ken*

Heero: *points the gun at Ryo as Ryo does the same*
Both: Omae o korosu.
Mia: ...
Relena: ...
Rowen: I swear THAT is scary.
Kento: Wait... isn't the Narrator also Ancient?
Rowen: ... ._.;;;;
Ancient: *reveals himself to be Treize*
Cye: *watches the world end again*

*THE WORLD ENDS DUE TO A LACK OF INTELLIGENT PLOT*

Ryo and Heero: *points guns at the world* Omae o korosu.
World: ... *LIVES*
Sage: ... I thought that was impossible.
Anubis: It's just scary... seeing how Ryo's gotten into the part so well. Well, you HAD your moment, Sage.
Sage: *HA*
Treize: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
Wufei: ...
Sage: ...
*Halo-long and Altron chase Treize out of sight*
Kia: ... MEN!
Wufei: -.- Woman.
Sage: More like insane.
Kia: *smites Sage and Wufei* SIT!
Sage: @@ *faint*
Wufei: ><
Kia: Don't make me call in Sakura Kia Takino.
Wufei: . . . You wouldn't dare, woman.
Kia: I would.
Ryo: WAIT A MINUTE, KIA!! Another SKT?
Kia: This time, it's the Gundam Wing version :D
Ryo: . . . *points the gun at Kia's head* ¬_¬ Kia...
Kia: *points the frying pan at Ryo's head* Omae o korosu.
Heero: ... my line. -.-
Kia: KYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *runs*
Ryo: Grrr... Feh! Forget her.
Kento: *Searches for the plot of this play and somehow finds Duo instead*
Duo: Hi?
Kento: Let's go steal some sugar.
Duo: OKAY! :D
Rowen: ... *watches Duo and Kento run off to steal some sugar* How about if we find some straitjackets for them?
Trowa: Fine by me.
Cye: Let's promote pacifism! ^-^
Quatre: I'll get the signs! ^-^
Mia: Don't forget us!
Relena: YEAH!
Sage: ... I think I need to lie down. Too many paradoxes are occurring here... and where's the next black hole so I can hide in one?
Wufei: Nope, no black holes.
Treize: I'm prettier! ^-^
Wufei: ...
Treize: *poses in a dress*
Wufei: ARGH! MY EYES! They're bleeding!
Kia: ... Go away, Treize.
Treize: ^-^ Okay!
Lady Une: --; I hate having a double personality. Me too.
Everyone: ...
Lady Une: YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN!
Everyone: *nods and smiles stupidly* ^_^;;;; . o O (We're gonna die aren't we?)
Kayura: ..; Commence operations!
Cale: I hate being the OZ soldier who gets to die for the day.
Talpa: YAY! I get to ram Peacemillian up Libra's ass! (Term taken from Zero X. :P)
Everyone: Uh-huh, sure...
Ryo: You know what I just realized?
Heero: What?
Ryo: There's NEVER any plot for any Ronin Plays that Kia wrote. Just inane dialogue.
Kia: What took you so long, Ryo? >:P
Ryo: ...
Kento: And is this play ending any time soon? :P
Sage: Doubtfully.

THE PLAY WILL NOW END.

Ryo and Heero: Omae o korosu.

ER... UM... IT WILL GO ON.

Kento: Ryo, why do you want it to go on?
Ryo: So we can get rid of Kia faster.
Rowen: ... that made no sense...
Kia: I just remembered what I forgot. :D
Ryo: What?
Kia: *TOOTS a bungle*
*the 5 Gundam Scientists come in*
Heero: ...
Duo: ...
Trowa: ...
Quatre: ...
Wufei: ...
All: HOLY SHIT! *hides behind Kia*
Sage: ...?
Rowen: I don't mind scientists.
Kento: That's because YOUR father is one and you're pratically one.
Rowen: ...
Cye: --;
Ryo: I don't see anything bad about 'em...
Kia: If we *had* five Ancients...
Ancient: PFFT! I'm too busy being the VA for Treize. >:P
Treize: Damn right.
Wufei: ... *smites Treize* --;
Kia: ...you know, we haven't been doing anything... I lost the plot.
RWs: YAY!
Kia: >:F STRIP.
RWs: *shuts up!*
Dr. J: *cackles*
Heero: ...stop that.
Dr. J: No.
Heero: ...
Kia: Uhm, yeah, well, let's get back to the plot... *pulls out a computer and is immediately knocked over by Jia*
Jia: I summon Gundam Wang.
Everyone: . . .
Wufei: ...what the hell?
Sage: Trust me, you'd like to avoid this nympho.
Jia: Pfft. I'm sexier than Kia. >:D
Kia: Over my dead body.
Ken: Moo.
Kia: ...I give up on the plot. THE END.
Everyone: YAY.
Kia: I'm still going to write more plays.
Everyone: Noooooooo! ;_;