THE FULL RONIN!
By Kia Purity
Note: This little play should be interesting, no? I wrote this in the summer and decided that this was worthy of being put up on the net!
(Modified 2004. God, I was a pervert. Wait, I'm still a pervert.)
*The Ronin Warriors are appalled at their script*
Ryo: All we do is strip!? This time, Kia has gone too far on this!
Kento: But her virtue is purity!
Cye: ...I don't think her virtue has ever worked.
Sage: But we're stripping for the Second Circle of Light only.
Rowen: And Jess Fear... and the fangirls.
Ryo: I told you all Kia is insane!
Sage: It's not that hard to figure out. *eyes the curtain*
*A no-dachi fly thru air and narrowly misses Sage's hair*
*Kia's voice booms*
Cye: Jesus, Kia. Go away.
*A fish hits Cye in his face*
*Everyone stares at Cye*
*There is scales imprint on his face*
Rowen: She's just being psychopathic.
*A book hits Rowen's shoulder*
Sage: The thought of us stripping probably broke her mind.
Ryo: Let's see, Cye, Sage, Rowen has been nearly mauled... While Kento and I remain intact.
*A trap door opens under Ryo's feet and he falls in it*
Ryo: That's it.
Okami: Good god. She's snapped.
Hebi: Now, Kia put Ryo back here!
*Ryo returns from South Pole as a ice cube*
*ice cube melts.*
Ryo: Kia, you have a problem!
Tora: That's right, she's very much deprived of Dr. Pepper. She's kind of off the end.
Sage: Deprived of Dr Pepper? Oh god.
Kento: Why are we doing this stripping thing if she's nuts?
Okami: Kento... <3
Omu: ... Okami!
Omu: You're irrational.
*Okami smiles idiotically*
Okami: Thank you!
Kento: Well. I don't know. *eats a donut*
Rowen: ...where is Kia anyway?
*Kia walks in*
Kia: Eh. Hi.
Kento: A little psycho aren't you?
*A bug flies in Kento's face*
Kento: AAGH! *tries to swat at it but ends up knocking himself out*
Everyone else: ..........
Kia: Now Ronins, get ready to practice your strip dance!
Ryo: I hate you.
Kia: I hate you too.
*Both gets into a staring match*
Hebi: God help us!
Okami: Only God can help those who can help themselves.
Kento recovers: I'll help myself to the rest of the donuts! *Eats away*
Rowen: Hey! You give me some!
Tora: He eats too?
Sage: Yeah, you have never seen Rowen eat like Kento does before?
Sage: We were all surprised when he first did that.
Tora: I don't believe it myself! He's practically skin and bones!
Okami: DON'T YOU EVEN DARE!
Omu: We don't need another joke.
Hebi: Please. Hey! Weren't you in a staring match with Ryo?
Kia: He lost.
*Ryo is muttering, trying to blink*
Ryo: My eyes hurt.
*Ryo holds up a white flag*
Ryo: I surrender to the all mighty and powerful authoress! I will strip for Hebi only!
Hebi: That's right.
Kia: You're not my type. Sage is.
Okami: *looks at Kia*
Omu: Don't think you're a bit scary?
*Everyone gets into a ten-way staring match...*
Everyone: Ow, pain.
Kia: Never gonna do staring match crap again.
Tora: . o O (Maybe she'll forget the whole ronin stripping crap. Please let her forget this.)
Sage: . o O (...)
Okami: Well. That Dr Pepper deprivation worked.
Hebi: I think we should drag her away from here.
Tora: Before she tries to get me to stare at Rowen naked.
Hebi: You two are too perfect for each other.
Rowen: I think I'll go over there NOW. *escapes*
Tora: Please, Kia, whatever you do, don't try to use a video camera!
Okami: She's not waking up.
Omu: She's really knocked out.
Sage: ...does anyone even want to wake her up?
*Kia wakes, screams and jumps into Sage's arms, still screaming*
Ryo: Jesus. What the hell was that.
Kia: Clown... ;______;
Sage: No clowns are coming here.
Kia: Oh. Whew. Oh, Sage~
Sage: *drops Kia*
Kento: Dais is a dork.
Dais: Oh yeah?!
Kento: YEAH! *staring match*
Okami: Oh boyie!!
Sage: Great. Hey?!
*Kia has disappeared*
Omu: Uh oh. Okami, what did you do?
Okami: I just mentioned the name... it's not my fault Kia has a phobia.
*Kia is hiding somewhere out of sight*
*Rowen is sitting in the tree*
Rowen: I'm not coming out!
Okami: Omu, logs!
Okami: I'll do it myself.
*starts to raise fire under Rowen's tree*
Tora: WHAT ARE YOU DOING????
Okami: Raising fire of course. Kento taught me how to do it and there was one time he and Sage did that to get Rowen out!
Tora: Oh great!
Rowen: Stop that!
Okami: Not if you get out!
*Everyone watches Dais and Kento's staring match getting out of control*
Anubis: I'd like to know about this title.
Jess Fear: You don't.
Jess Fear: Trust me. *escapes*
Kia: Dark Warlords, leave.
Sekhmet: Oh, hi psycho.
*A big frying pan smacks Sekhmet upside the head*
Kia: AND SHUT UP YOU LAME SNAKE!!
Cye: She's really moody.
Rowen: Ever wonder why I call her Psychopath.
Kia: Yes, I am Psychopath! And, Ronins, dance!
*All the girls leave*
Ryo: This still ain't fair!
Sage: We have to. It's in the script.
Kento: I think Hebi will be laughing at me saying that my flubber is something...
Ryo: Actually, Hebi will be too busy to laugh at you. She'll be staring like an idiot at me.... I don't mean that about 'staring like an idiot' but...
Sage: Well, but Kia would be weak at her legs if she saw me again.
Rowen: How can be you sure about that!
Sage: Her face was stuck to the tv.
Ryo: And I was trapped in the doofus the whole time...
Kento: *shrug* That sounds wrong.
Ryo: YOU KNOW I DID NOT MEAN IT LIKE THAT.
Rowen: And I'm not completely astonished at Tora's retrogression.
Kento: Damn, what did you just say, Rowen?!
Ryo: Cye, can you find that dictionary?
Sage: I only caught the half of that.
Cye: I found the dictionary!
Rowen: I SAID THAT I WASN'T EVEN SURPRISED AT TORA'S REACTION! She's rather calm over this ronin play crud.
Kento: Got it! Retrogress?
Rowen: New word: Retrogress.. meaning react.
Sage: Rowen, buddy, you gotta be a little careful with the words or they'll blow our brains out.
Ryo: All this big stuff are going to give us brain damage.
*Kia runs in*
Kia: It did to me. ;_;
*Kia runs out*
Rowen: I was right! It IS around 100 but I didn't expect it to be that high.
Ryo: She acts dumb all the time.
Sage: She wants to molest me. >_<
Cye: No surprise there. You're the pretty one.
Rowen: That's not very reassuring.
Sage: No, really? I have women who want to have my babies.
Everyone: ... *sweat drops*
Everyone: ... *speechless*
Cye: To think that they're so serious... and you... only fifteen.
Ryo: He could be a manwhore.
Kento: You're learning from Kia.
*Kia runs in*
Kia: WOOOOOOOORK ON THE DAMN SCRIPT!
*Kia runs out*
Everyone: Stripping doesn't exactly require a script...
Cye: ...I... want to know what logic Kia works on.
Rowen: Her logic doesn't exist.
Sage: Well. She's not even irrational like Okami.
Ryo: I've got an idea.
Everyone: NOW WHAT?
Ryo: We chicken out and let the Dark Warlords do the script.
*A brick hits Ryo*
Ryo: ... the hell ...
*Kia's voice booms*
Kia: RYO YOU IDIOT. I HEARD THAT. YOU CAN'T CHICKEN OUT. YOU SIGNED THE CONTRACT TO DO ANY KIND OF PLAYS I WRITE FOR TWENTY FIVE YEARS!
Sage: Ryo, Why did you ever sign that?!
Ryo: We did. We did sign the contract to do anything for Kia for twenty five years.
Kento: Mine said two years.
Sage: I didn't even touch it. It said that I should marry her first. I think she's just a little desperate.
Ryo: ...You're screwed.
Sage: No kidding.
Cye: Man, there's no way out of this, is there?
Zoycite: You idiot!
*Cye boots Zoycite into orbit*
Rowen: We have no choice. We either work on the script or we're doomed. Like the saying "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
Sage: Oh god.
*Okami's voice booms*
Okami: ONLY GOD CAN HELP THOSE.....
Kento: Who can help themselves. I'll do that with the rest of the chocolate covered donuts!
*Kento runs off*
Okami: OH NO, DON'T YOU DARE!
*Drags Kento back*
Okami: AND.. DANCE! YAHAHAHAHAHA~!
Kia: ... Okami, calm down. I drank some Dr. Pepper.
Okami: ... YAA~! *Okami is seen running out*
Everyone: ... Okami!!
Kia: Obviously, I don't think Okami is gonna return not after I drank up a whole week's supply of Dr. Pepper.
Everyone: ... EEK! *runs away from Kia*
THE STRIP WILL START IMMEDIATELY.
*The Ronin Warriors are backstage, in their armors*
Sage: I feel stupid.
Kento: But Okami will be happy.
Cye: At least, its gonna be just six girls.....
*Rowen looks out and passes out.*
Ryo: This must not be a good sign. Maybe theres a crowd.
Sage: I CANNOT DO THIS.
Kento *looks out*: HEY! Theres only six girls! Whyd Rowen faint for?
Cye: Tora? After all, theyre apparently friends but Tora would probably be drooling.
Sage: How typical.
*Loud Speaker Booms*
RONIN WARRIORS, PLEASE GET READY! SHOW TIME IS IN 6 SECONDS.... 5......4.......3.....2................1.......... GO!!
*The Ronin Warriors sulk to the stage, dragging Rowen*
Rowen: Uh... in a minute....
Everyone else: .... Decorticate?
Tora: Shut up.
Everyone else: Oh.
*Strip music plays*
*Ryo mutters as he walks to center stage and removes his armor... the others do the same*
*Hebi is yelling at the top of her lungs*
Hebi: RYO! MORE! MORE!
Kia: ... Sounds like something else.
*Rowen steps over to the left side of the stage where Tora is sitting and carefully removes his sub-armor*
*To everyone elses shock, Tora has hearts in her eyes*
Cye: I knew it.
*Cye walks to the right stage where Omu is sitting and takes his sub-armor off*
Omu: Ooh.. I need a cold shower.
*Kento walks between Rowen and Ryo to where Okami is*
Kento: You wanna see this?
Okami: SURE! FULL RONIN!!
*Kento takes his sub-armor off*
*Sage walks over to where Kia is sitting, between Ryo and Cye*
Kia *giggle*: I think this story is just a bit too much.
Sage: Your fault.
Kia: BUT YOURE CUTE!
*Sage takes his sub-armor off*
Kia: Hey, what about the rest of your clothes?
Sage: I knew there was a catch.
*All the Ronins takes about everything else off except for underwear*
Jess: Geez. Kias crazy. *Jess is sitting on a stool somewhere in the building, holding a loudspeaker* But ... the Ronins are pathetically cute.
The five girls: GO THE FULL RONIN! GO TO THE FULL RONIN!
*Ryo glances at the others*
Ryo: No choice. We have to do this.
Cye: Even if it means being embarrassed for the rest of our lives?
Kento: YEAH! ILL TAKE THAT CHANCE!!
Rowen: Oh boy. *looks faint*
Sage: Dont faint. On 1.... 2.....3...
All: THE FULL RONIN!
*The ronins escape*
Kia: The hell?
Tora: I'm not surprised. *fans herself*
Hebi: I'm going to drag Ryo back here. >:(
Okami: *just cracking up*
Omu: ... uhh.
Jess: Figures. There'll be another play. Kia is probably going to beat the crap out of them. :P
More plays coming soon!