SAILOR MOON S(amurai)T(roopers)
by Kia Purity

Modified 2004. Just because I sounded like a moron. I actually remember that this play was written in December 1997.

*Kia is on the computer*
Sage: Another play? Why do we have to endure this?
Kia types: Probably because I'm evil!
Sage: Evil?
Kia: Evil as in abusing things for fun.
Sage: Would you really torture me?
Kia: Don't remind me about Gai Den....
Sage: Uh? You don't even have the OAVs so how would you know?
Kia: Then explain to me why you were fighting a dragon in your dream.
Sage: You got the summary?
Kia: Wrong. The OAVs.
Sage: When?
Kia: Try Monday when I was sick. I just leapt out of the bed and watched 'em.
Sage: You're strange.
Kia: EXACTLY!
Ryo enters: What's new this time?
Sage: Sailor Moon.
Ryo groans: Not again. First, Wizard of Oz, then Ranma 1/2 and now Sailor Moon! What next? Tenchi Muyo?
Kia: ...maybe.
Cye: You really need to get a life.
Kia: Sure, panties.
Sage: Crap.
Cye: Die.
Kento: What is wrong with her?
Ryo: Boredom.
Rowen: As usual.
Mia: Ok, who will play who?
Cye: I don't want to wear a skirt!
Kia: You won't. I will. So will Hebi, Okami, Omu, and Tora.
Ryo: What a relief.
Hebi: To get some more lines. Sakura barely gave me any!
Kia: My fault. Too many people blabbering on at once. *SIGH*
Okami: And I had to end it for you!
Tora: Cuz Talpa ate Act 2 and 3.
Omu: This time, Kento ate Act 4.
Kento: It was in a chocolate cake!
Kia: Uh, I never wrote act 2, 3, and 4.
Ryo: Wait a minute....
Ully: Who will play who?

SHOW IS NOW STARTING, GO AND GET SOME POPCORN!

*Kia posts a list on the wall*
Ladies:
Kia = Sailor Moon
Tora = Sailor Mercury
Hebi = Sailor Mars
Okami = Sailor Jupiter
Omu = Sailor Venus
Mia = ?

Morons:

Ryo: Don't you dare. This is the third time Kia!
Kia: I was trying to have some fun!
Ryo: GRR....
Kia: OK!

Gentlemen:

Sage: Change that, Kia.
Kia: Why?
Sage: I'm the only one.
Ryo: Do you want her to put you as a moron?!
Sage: ...no.

Idiots and one flirt:

Kento: That's funny.
Kia: SHUT UP!
Sage: I'm not even a flirt.
Kia: ...
Sage: In fact, women like YOU frighten me.

Idiots and one scared flirt and one pig:
Ryo =
Kento =
Cye =
Sage = Tuxedo Mask
Rowen =
Ully = Sammy

FINE, THE RONIN WARRIORS MAY ACT LIKE MORONS BUT SAGE IS A FLIRT, KENTO IS A PIG, RYO IS AN IDIOT, ROWEN IS TOO SMART, AND CYE IS TOO WIMPY....

Sage: She never listened.
Cye: I am not!
Omu: He's not!
Kia: He is.
ALL: How would you know that?
Kia: Kikotei Densetsu.
Rowen: Rats. The 2nd OAV.
Sage: Now I know why she loves that... fourth episode. *mutters* Pervert.
Hebi: I love it too!
Ryo: Because of me!
Kento: I'm not surprised.
Okami: Me neither.
Tora: Give me a break.
Mia: Why can't we go on with the play?
Ully: They won't stop arguing.
Mia: Isn't that typical in every play that Kia starts on?
Kia: ...what.

NOW THE SHOW WILL START.......

Kia: Hello! I am Sailor Moon! The beautiful Sailor Suited fighter for love and justice!
Sage: For the love of god, I don't want to be Tuxedo Mask. I'm not THROWING the damn roses.
Ryo: This is boring. :P
*Kia boots Ryo out of the room*
Sage: You can't even get along with Ryo.
Kia: ...
Sage: I'd like to change this play.
Okami enters: Hey..... I have a good plan!
Kia: Uh oh.

THIS WILL TAKE A MOMENT, DON'T WORRY.

Sage screams: Get away Okami!
Okami: It's not bad, I'm trying to fix your hair.
Sage: Don't touch my poor hair!
Kia: Don't you dare. I'll do it.
Sage: Go away.
Kia: ...

THE PLAY WILL BE DELAYED FOR A SHORT WHILE... THE SECOND CIRCLE OF LIGHT ARE BUSY TORTURING THE RONIN WARRIORS......

Ryo: I won't wear that!
Hebi: Why not cutie?
Ryo: Because I refuse to be Sailor Mars! You do it!
Okami: Wimp.
Ryo: FLARE UP NOW.
*Okami's pig tails catch on fire*
Kento cries: Waah! Not fair! *tries to put Okami's hair out*
Okami: *sighs*
Kento: It'll be okay. At least you still have... your hair.
Cye: ...that's not comforting.
Okami: Tell me about it.
Omu: Wear this!
Cye: No.
Kento: Why not? It wasn't hard for you to wear the panties.
Cye: You'll die in a second..... *chases Kento around a pole with his trident ready to smack Kento's head in*
Kia: This play will be delayed longer than I thought it would be.....

THE PLAY STARTS NOW.

Sage: This isn't fair.
Ryo: I agree.
Rowen: I can't do this!
Kento: I look so weird.
Cye: ...uncomfortable...
Kia: Chill out.
Omu: Okami's idea.
Okami: Righty!
*LEFTY*
Hebi: Who let the baka norou roba in?!
Tora: Stupid damn donkey?
Kia: Everyone, cooperate. :P
Sage: No.
Kia: Suffer.
Okami: Heh heh he!
Omu: Great. This makes no sense now.
Hebi: FLARE UP NOW!
Ryo: HEY! That's my line!
Cye: ...
Badamon enters: Wow, who are those five young ladies?
Kia: Me?
Badamon: You're a woman? You're flat.
Kia: DIE.
Sage: ...uh oh.
Ryo yells at Badamon: EEW! GET AWAY!
Talpa: Pretty ronins.
Sage: Good god.
Ryo: That's it. Everyone, we must go Inferno. --;
Kento: Works for me.
Rowen: Ok.
Cye: Can't we get rid of the fuku first?!
*A little while later...*
Talpa: Eep! *runs away because he's on fire*
Ryo: That's BETTER.
Kia: Except. He just set the theatre on fire.
Ryo: ... ah crap.
Cye: --; Super Wave Smasher!
Kia: ...except the theatre's wet.
Rowen: Arrow sho--
Kia: You're not going to blow away the theatre. You guys are too destructive.
Mia: No kidding! The house can barely stay up because of them. Good thing I'm rich.
Kento: You could be a good wife.
Mia: What?
Okami: O_o
Kento: I'm just saying. For someone. Not like, us. We're only fifteen.
Mia: ...and yet Sage and Rowen took my jeep.
Sage: What.
Rowen: Well...
Omu: --;
Cale: ...I'd like to know why the ronins are still in fuku's.
Ryo: What?
*they ... actually used the inferno armor without using their armor. They're just, well, still in the fuku.*
Sage: Oh my god.
Dais: Interesting.
*Snaps a picture*
Cye: DON'T YOU DARE! *pounds camera into ground with trident and changes back to normal*
Kento: Hey?!
*Rest of the Ronin Warriors change back*
Kento: Now, let me have the hamburger!
Sekhmet: What hamburger?
Sage: The one in the background.
Kento: *glomps it*
Talpa: Come here!
Ryo: ... go away.
Badamon: Not him! Me!
Cale: Not those morons! ME!
Kia: Jesus, Ryo.
Ryo: *sets Talpa (again), Badamon, and Cale on fire*
Three: Ow.
Kia: Please don't let the theatre burn again...
Okami: I don't know about you but this play is short.
Omu: Seems like it.
Hebi: I guess we can't do any more plays since Kia's too tired to.
Tora: Think again.
Mia: Wait, I thought we were going to do the play!
Ully: Yeah!
Kia: Can't. No ideas.
Sekhmet: What idea?
Kia: I'm kind of recovering from being sick?
Hebi: ...why did you even write a play?
Kia: Because I got bored?
Hebi: You're nuts.
Kia: Hi, where have you been?
Hebi: ... at school.

THE PLAY IS OFFICALLY OUT OF CONTROL, PLEASE BE PATIENT FOR IT TO REGAIN CONTROL.....

Hebi: Where's my dream idiot?
Ryo: Over there.
Hebi: YOU'RE MY DREAM IDIOT, IDIOT!
Ryo: Oh yeah....

No such luck..... *GROAN*

Kento: Where's my dream wolf?
Okami: Wolf? That'd be me...
Kento: Wait, where's my dream hamburger?
Okami: ...

The play is offically unstable.

Kia: Where's my dream flirt?
Sage: I'm not a flirt.
Kia: You're pretty.
Sage: Pretty damn scared of you.
Kia: Suffer.
Sage: Already doing that. --;

Irrational play.

Tora: Where the hell is my cross word puzzle book!?
Rowen: Kento ate it.
Tora: GIVE IT BACK!
Kento: Can't. Cye cooked it.
Cye: I DID NOT!
Okami: Me either....
Kia: We'll have to figure this out.
*EVERYONE GROANS*
Kia: Let's see...
*chases after everyone around a tree*
Kia: SUFFER.
Hebi: The end this time.... *Sighs*
Tora: For real.
Okami: Rats.
Omu: No more plays! Finally!
Kia: THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL THINK.

The end for a while now... heh heh heh
OF COURSE, YES, THERE ARE MORE AFTER THIS! BWAHAHA!