THE WIZARD OF THE DYNASTY
A hilarious parody by Kia Purity
Note: I did this at the time because I needed something to do and well, this play was born. :P Also, this play has been revised to get rid of the evil fangirlism that plagues the play.
*The Ronin Warriors are standing around in a circle, going through their script*
Ryo: A lion? That's good enough since I'm a Leo!
Kento: Cowardly lion. I'm the Tin Dude!
Cye: I refuse to dress like a girl!
Sage: Me too.
Rowen: Well, I'm the Scarecrow!
Sage: What part is this? Kia couldn't decide either me or Cye could be Dorothy or Toto!
*Kia's voice booms*
Kia: I'm sorry but I can't decide!
Cye: Why? Why can't Sage be Dorothy?!
Kia: *thinks for a moment* Well... his sister used him as a doll....
Sage: KIA. YOU. WILL. SUFFER.
Kia: *sweatdrop*... Oh, Cye? e_e
Kento: Be a man and bear it! BE MANLY IN A DRESS.
Sage: ... *evil glare at Kento*
Ryo: Calm down.
Rowen: Yeah, you two fools calm down!
Kia: Lady Kayura is supposed to be the Good Witch of North.
Ryo: What about Mia? Can she be Dorothy then?
Kia: THAT'S A GOOD IDEA! But I want to see Sage and Cye wearing dresses! They can be Dorothy's weird sisters!
Sage and Cye: Get off the crack, Kia.
Kia: ...what? But you two look good in dresses! It's not like I'd make you two buck naked like #39.
*All the Ronin Warriors stare at her bug eyed*
Ryo: Just... how many times did you watch that last episode? And how much Dr Pepper did you drain?
Kia: ... I forgot.
Sage: Oh, god. >_<
Kia: Really. I have too much blood in my Dr Pepper stream. I need some now.
Ryo: No, you don't!
Kia: Thbbth, I can. Now back to the play! Mia, you come here! Ully, you're the dog!
Ully: I'm the dog?
Mia: That's a good idea.
Ully: Why can't White Blaze be the dog?
Kia: He's too big to be one anyway.
Cye: What about us?
Sage: Yeah, are you going to make us wear dresses or what?
Kia: You two get to clean my room. ^^
*Sage and Cye stare at her bug eyed*
*Kia's room is the black hole of doom. Whatever Kia loses in there, she doesn't find until a week later... or a year later. Sadly, though, the black hole follows her. Everywhere.*
Ryo: Stop. With. The. Bug. Eyes.
Kento: Oooh, lots of bug eyes.
*BONK! Rowen's hand hits Kento's head*
Kia: *shrugs* Heh, either that or Sage could be the guard of Emerald City.
Cye: What about me?
Kia: You're the big head.
Cye yells: TALPA HAS A BIG HEAD, WHY CAN'T HE BE THE BIG HEAD?!
*Everyone loooooooks at Kia*
Cye: Can I be the master of the sea?
Kia: There's no water...
Cye: Someone has to pour water on the Wicked Witch of West!
Kia: Figures, as seeing how Talpa is going to be the witch. I'll ask Ancient to be the big head.
Ryo: Talpa gets to wear a dress?
Rowen: The Dynasty are known as the Cross Dressers... so, that's right.
Kento: Now to think of it, Cye, did you like crossdressing?
*BONK! Cye smacks Kento*
Cye: No. It was an accident.
Sage: *sweatdrop* Oook.
Mia: I get to sing!
Kia: ALRIGHT. Let's start!
*THE PLAY BEGINS, GET IN YOUR SEATS BEFORE I COME HERE AND KICK YOUR BUTTS!* *Kia
glares at the Narrator.* *The Narrator shuts up*
Mia: Ully! Come here because there's a tornado!
*They run in the house and it flies out of the sky*
Mia: Oh dear! Here we go!
*Bambi flies by*
Sage: Kia... THUNDERBOLT CUT!
*The lighting hits Kia*
Kia: Sage, you will suffer. Soon.
Mia: ...when will they ever quit?
Ully: BARK! Never.
*The house crash lands on a Dynasty Idiot in the Oni Baka City*
Mia: Oh my god!
Ully: Crap! Woof!
*They run out of house and looks at the feet and Mia takes the red shoes*
Mia: Oh, my. Those are gorgeous shoes...
Ully: Yeah, the color of Ryo's armor!
*Lady Kayura appears in a huge pink dress*
Lady Kayura: Ew. Why do I have to wear this thing?
Mia: Because Kia said so.
Ully: Bow-wow. Yeah!
Lady Kayura: Ok, you killed Bertie of East and you have the Wildfire shoes! They have the power to destroy Talpa of West.
*Ryo runs in*
Ryo: This is not fair! I should be Dorothy!
Lady Kayura: And wear this dress?
Ryo: On a second thought, I'll stay a lion!
*Ryo leaves as everyone dances*
Mia: Ully, I don't think we're in Tokyo anymore.
Ully: Don't you mean Kansas?
Kia: *eyes Ully as he eeps!*
Lady Kayura: Take this ninja star, it will protect you.
*She gives it to Mia*
Mia: Thank you.
Lady Kayura: Walk the yellow brick road!
*Lady Kayura disappears*
Ully: Let's go, Mia.
*They walk on the yellow brick road, in the middle of the road, Kia and Rowen are arguing*
Rowen: I LOSE MY BRAINS?!
Kia: You have no brains. I'm done here!
*Kia leaves as Mia and Ully walks up to Rowen*
Rowen: Can you help me get my brain back from Kia?
Mia: Sure, we have to walk the yellow brick road.
*They walk some more and reach a tin man. Talpa of East is on a house, he throws fire balls at them.*
Rowen: Ahh! I'm allergic to fire!
Mia: Damn Talpa!
Ully: Hey, Talpa, kiss my butt!
*Talpa leaves, Kento the Tin Man recovers*
Kento: What a nap!
Rowen: You dolt! You could had helped us get rid of Talpa!
Kento: Why bother? We did!
Ully: Hey, Talpa! Eat the lady that said fart!
Mia: Quiet, Toto!
Kento: I don't have any heart, I'm so hurt.
Rowen: ...it'd be proper to say that you don't have a stomach.
Kento: *smirks at Rowen* That's the kettle calling the pot black.
*Cye's voice booms*
Cye: Chocolate cake's in the Dynasty City!
*Kento starts to run off*
Rowen: Say, Cye, have you seen Kia and Sage?
Cye: Last time... well... Kia was chasing after Sage with a makeup case. o_O I had to get out of there fast.
Cye: I hear Kia yelling something about deers. Uh-oh.*flees*
*Cye's voice vanishes as Kento looks at them, confused*
Kento: Deer? Ooh, tasty?
*Sage's voice booms*
Sage: THUNDERBOLT CUT!
*The green lighting smacks Kento on his butt*
Mia: Let's go to Dynasty City.
*They all walk on the way to the Dynasty City and Kento is still rubbing his sore spot on his butt after Sage's Thunderbolt Cut. They encounter Ryo who is so scared*
Ryo: I am not scared! Kia is an idiot!
*A cold waterfall smacks Ryo's head*
Kia: Excuse me, Ryo!
Ryo: Sheash, I'm not scared, you're scared of this... FLARE UP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kia: EEEK! *runs from the fireball heading in her direction*
*They all look at each other*
Ryo: Well, we ought to get to the Dynasty City soon!
*They all walk towards the Dynasty City as Talpa pours sleeping powder on them. They all fall asleep*
Lady Kayura: Fools. Cale! Help me here, make it snow!
*Cale jumps in his Cloud o Snow and hits a button. Snow lands on them and they wake up, rushes to the city before Talpa gets any more smarter than that. They are in front of the door and Mia knocks on it.*
Mia: Let us in!
*Sage opens the door*
Sage: Come in!
Kia: YOU IDIOT! YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAY YOUR LINES!
Sage: There's no point in asking if they know Talpa of West.
Kia: Then suffer.
*Kia drags Sage off to make him suffer. Sage can be heard screaming.*
Mia: *smiles as she ignores the screaming* Let's go see the great Ancient!
Ryo: I'll get mad!
Ryo: FLARE UP NOW!
*Kia ducks the fire*
Kia: ...Ryo... damn you.
Ryo: Too late for that. *smiles*
Kento: Let's see mister big-head! :D
Ully: Bark! Yea!
*They enter the Great Ancient's chamber and Ancient speaks to them in shape of a giant head*
Ancient: Why have you all come?
Mia: So I can go home!
Ryo: Be brave!
Kento: Love the chocolate cake!
Rowen: Be smart! I want my brain back!
Ully: I want to be a Ronin Warrior like Ryo!
Kia: I want to collect manga!
Sage: I want to be free of this madness!
Kia: You will never be free. >:]
Cye: I want to work at Sea World. ^_^
Kento: ...ooh, food.
Cye: ... *hits Kento*
Kento: ... *hits Cye back*
Ryo: Stop it.
*Ryo chases Kento and Cye around the room*
Mia: Oh dear.
*Kia slaps Sage*
Kia: That wouldn't help.
Sage: ... *looks at Kia* then I won't let you get manga.
Kia: Then... suffer.
*Ancient's voice booms*
Ancient: You all go out and destroy Talpa of West!
*They all leave the room after saying one word in unison*
*They reach West Castle while Kia looks around*
Kia: *just glares at Sage*
Sage: *glares back*
Kia: *glares back* Seiji-chan.
*Sage smacks Kento's head*
Rowen: It's not going to improve his intelligence, Sage.
Cye: Kia's wrath is worse than Sage's.
Ryo: I'm going to fry you two. -_-
Mia: Don't, Ryo.
Ully: Woof. _-_
*Kia leaves in a sec and returns, wearing her standard pink shirt and jeans*
Kia: God, the costume was itchy.
Sage: At least I don't get to wear one.
Kia: Next time you will.
*The cast looks at Kia, worried.*
Sage: Another play?
Kento: ..fun. Cye gets to wear dresses. ^^
Cye: ...I will not.
Ryo: Don't think about it, Kento.
Kento: You want to wear a dress?
Ryo: I warned you!
*While Kento is ducking Ryo's fire attacks, Kia and Sage are having a staring match.*
Rowen: Uh, aren't we supposed to stop Talpa?
Cye: Just snap out of it!
Kia: Alright! AAAUGH! I LOST! IM GONNA KILL YOU CYE!
*Kia chases after Cye, yelling at him*
Sage: ...heh. Thanks, Cye. ^^
Mia: I can't believe you two!
Ully ignoring them: I see the flying Dark Warlords!
*They all see Dark Warlords flying by for apparently no reason. They grab Mia and Ully and leaves*
Kia: Uh, I'm the author!
*A flying monkey grabs her*
Sage: ...there Kia goes. ^^
Kento: If we don't get her back, she'll make us suffer.
Rowen: Mia's gone.
Ryo: I'll kill Talpa!
Cye: Let's duck the fire!
*They all mumble and starts to climb the walls of Talpa's West castle. Meanwhile, inside Talpa's castle, Mia, Ully, and Kia are in the same room with Talpa wearing a slinky black dress complete with a pointy little hat (yuck, that doofus.)*
Kia: Tacky choice of wardrobe!
Talpa: Shall I haunt you with nightmares?
Kia: Do it and die.
Talpa: I'm already dead.
Mia: Why did you take us?
Ully: Yea! Eat my script!
Talpa: Mia, I took you because you killed my sister, Bertie of East! Give me the shoes!
*Mia throws the ninja star at Talpa and he passes out*
Mia: I just knew it would work! Ully, you go get the Ronin Warriors while Kia and I get the heck out of here!
Kia: ...but he can't be dead if he's here.
Talpa: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!
*Kia's foot stomps right in Talpa's OBVIOUSLY SENSTIVE PART*
Kia: Silence. >:E
*The Ronin Warriors climb over the walls and finds Ully. They all run to find Mia and
Kia who are running away from Talpa since Kia stomped on Talpa's really sensitive part*
Kia: Hey, he's dead, he's not supposed to have any! >_<
Mia: Look, the Ronin Warriors!
*Kia crashes right into Sage*
Sage: ...helloooooo Kia.
Kia: Helloooo... Seiji-chan.
Ryo: ...don't start.
Kento: I think Kia's busy groping Sage.
Sage: *looks like he's going to pass out*
Kia: Am not.
Rowen: Nice... take it to the back room.
Cye: She's not groping him.
Kia: Idiots. -_-;
Talpa: You fools!
*Cye produces a huge bucket of wave and throws it on Talpa. Talpa starts to melt*
Talpa: Nooo! Oh, what a world! Oh no!
All: Yes! We beat him!
Rowen: I'll be smart!
Kento: I can love!
Ryo: I can be brave!
Cye: I can work in Sea World!
Kia: I can get manga!
Sage: I can be free!
Mia: I can go home!
Ully: I can be a Ronin Warrior just like Ryo!
*They all pause for a moment and stares at Sage*
Sage: Hey, I can't help it.
Kia: *evil smirk* You won't be free.
Sage: Hmph. Free me or I call you Jia.
*They all dance off in the sunset and it ends with an X-Files Theme song while Kia is chasing after Sage, yelling at him.*
So, yeah, the play got revised. :P
Next up is Cye 1/2 (HA HA HA!)